Rewind please...

Why isn't there a rewind button? Can I please just rewind to when Asher was just a few days old! I miss how little he was already! Where did the time go? I don't necessarily miss recovering from a C-section or repeated sleepless nights or still learning how to breastfeed and anticipate Asher's needs (so much more confident now!) I just want to go back with the knowledge I have now and re-live the first 3-4 weeks :) How I MISS my precious little newborn. I miss his beautiful silky hair. I miss how he fit into my arms and would fall asleep on my shoulder when I would burp him. I miss how much he would sleep and his need to be near me all of the time. They are small for such a fleeting moment- it's easy to miss.

Can you tell I was looking at old pictures of Asher today? I went through all his pictures from his birth, 1-week old, to 1-month, 2-months, 3-months and now 4-months old! I still can't believe Asher is 4 months old now and he is so big! 

Asher with Daddy- 4 days old

Asher -3 weeks old

No one can ever prepare you for what it is like to have a baby. You can't anticipate how emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually life altering it is.I remember hearing everyone tell me to "enjoy them while they are small/young". As a new mother I was so stressed about sleep, breastfeeding, avoiding bad sleep habits, learning to take care of a newborn, more sleep etc.   I wish I could go back a do it all differently and relax a bit more. I think it's easy for experienced mothers to tell you to enjoy it while you can (and honestly I did... I loved having Asher with our family finally, but I also cried a lot- being a mom is the most strenuous job on earth!) because they have been through it before. And 20/20 hindsight I can look back and wish I hadn't stressed so much. Experienced moms have confidence so it's easier to say "just enjoy!". Experienced moms understand what I now have realized... with your first you have all the time to dedicate and spend time with your new baby and just focus on that one. Once you have another you attention will always be divided. Honestly, I don't know how people have more that ONE! How do you do it!?

I keep notes in my head.. with my second I am going to do this and do that and enjoy this more and understand this better. But the truth of it is that your first is such a genea pig. Even though you learn with your first you won't have the same luxuries of time with a second. Again, I wish I could press the rewind button and go back with the knowledge I have now!

You live- you learn! Don't get me wrong I am so in love with Asher and try to enjoy everything. I think I have been thinking a lot on this mainly because I spent the last two days this week babysitting... today was the first day JUST ME and ASHER again! I can't tell you how much I LOVED just focusing on him and only him. I was putting him down for a nap today and I just held him. I couldn't for the life of me put him down. I just stared at his precious features- admiring something that Drew and I had made. What a miracle!  I knew that I should put him down to sleep, but the selfish side of me just wanted to sit and squeeze him and cuddle forever. I still get teary eyed sometimes when I am home alone with Asher and I can't help but to be overcome with emotion when I look at him and hold him in my arms.

I am sad that I have not documented each month better- hence zero posts. Life is so busy. But I am determined not to miss out on Asher's everyday moments anymore. Even if it's just one line I am going to post more!