30 Weeks

I am now 30 weeks :) This feels like such a large milestone for me! I am finally in the 30's and I am really getting anxious to meet our baby. It seems more real and tangible that we will be having a baby soon! I want to see what he looks like (by the way... I've been having several dreams that we are going to have an ugly baby, so I'm not going to get my hopes up- not every baby can be cute). I want to see what his personality will be like and I want to talk to him and interact with him. I can't wait. I had an appointment this week for my ever bulging baby.

My 30 week stats:

Belly: 31" (a little big)

Weight gained to date: 24lbs.

 BP: 116/70 

Everything is very normal. We'll see if I can keep my weight gain under 35 lbs. I am sure I can do it. So far I am on track even though I am at the upper end. Sleep is beginning to be more and more uncomfortable and the emotions-oh my- they are everywhere! Just this week it seems to be especially emotional. I have cried a few times and had a complete meltdown once. As I was talking to my co-worker she said she cried nearly everyday in her third trimester. Now, I haven't cried nearly that much and during this pregnancy I have been pretty happy-go-lucky (after all it is mostly a joyous time in my life), but it does seem that I am less interested in certain things I used to enjoy and I am struggling to keep my emotions is check. Is this normal for most women to go through this? 

Let me just say that the most common comment we receive from other people is something to the effect of, "You have no idea how much this child will change your lives," Or " Kids change everything." It goes without saying that I don't believe that is a very astute comment. It seems like common sense and something that I am planning on. Why do you think we have waited as long as we have? How long have we been planning, contemplating, discussing parenting, and talking about our future children. But what I feel is important to note is how much this child has already changed our lives. How much of my life right now revolves around preparing, researching, reading, and going to endless appointments... all for this baby. How much my relationship with Drew has already changed tremendously- both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The third trimester is truly the most grueling transition stage to this new life. Part of my meltdown this week had to do with my relationship with Drew, physical sacrifices, and feeling guilty over having joy when it is with held from others. Another pregnancy symptom:  insomnia + emotionally unstable= meltdown in the middle of night. Drew is so amazing.  He woke up at 3am to a sniffling, uncontrollably crying pregnant woman (even though we are sleeping in separate rooms these days) and came to hold me, comfort me, and talk through my feelings until I was calmed enough to go back to bed.

In main, I never thought I would actually reach this point in my life- even the change of heart the Lord has wrought in me. I never thought I would yearn for a family and that He would inspire Drew and I around the same time to have children. It is something I have been waiting for so long for, but could never imagine b/c we were pretty anti-kids for a while. We just kept putting off kids and putting it off and it is so wonderful to look back and see how the Lord planted a little seed of desire in our hearts and it has bloomed slowly over time. It makes me wonder how long this baby boy has been waiting for us and how he has been prepared for this time in our lives and in the world.  I am so grateful for the wonderful years of marriage that Drew and I have shared to create a strong foundation of friendship and love. And I don't want to go back to being just two- even if life was easy and breezy just worrying about the two of us.  I feel confident that we haven't missed anything in our lives together and I am ready to go forward. (The one thing I do wish we had done before baby is go to Hawaii maybe)

Although we do not have a baby yet I can feel the incredible strain it can place on our relationship, how life-altering this change is. It is wonderful time in our lives, but it is also difficult and I can recognize the unique struggles it brings. With great joy comes individual struggles and sorrow far different that I am used to and at time overwhelming how much we have already changed.